I'm not sure what is causing you pain, but please call a suicide hotline if you feel like you're about to do it. You could find which one pertains to your country
here or if that doesn't work you can probably just google it.
I can tell you almost certainly that very few of us here are capable of helping you with what you're going through, though I'm sure a few well-meaning people will offer their support.
My understanding of the people who may answer the phone is that they're not perfect professionals and may not always say the right thing either, but you are almost guaranteed you will get a person who specifically does not want you to kill yourself, and that's a really good start.