Funny Jokes Topic

[cato]

How do you describe a sicken eagle?

Spoiler: show

illegal

[FireyPaperMario]

Think of this more as a funny moment from my childhood than a joke, but screw it:

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Back in US history class in my 8th grade year, my history teacher ask the class, "Okay, who said this famous quote, 'I will Return'?"

I raise my hand, and blurt out, "The Terminator! I pass!"

Everyone laughs, and my teacher replies, "He said, 'I WILL BE BACK', not 'I will return!'!"

[FireyPaperMario]

This tweet

[Cedur]

A chess player says to Zeus "hey let's blitz"

[aero]

What kind of room doesn't have doors?

A mushroom.

[Emral]

There were once 3 kingdoms that bordered the same lake. In the middle of the lake there was an island, and the 3 kingdoms had been fighting over it for years. No one seemed to be able to keep the upper hand for very long and no one had been victorious. The wars over this little island were very costly, but all 3 kingdoms wanted it because of its great beauty and resources.

Finally, the monarchs agreed to a way to settle the matter permanently. Each would send their knights and squires to the island and they would
fight it out. Whoever’s knights and squires won the day would keep the island forever.

One kingdom sent many knights and each knight had a few squires. The night before the battle, the knights polished their armor while the squires readied the weapons. When the armor was finished, the knights sat around the fire drinking.

The second kingdom sent more knights than the first and each knight had several squires. The night before the battle, the knights drank around the fire while the squires scurried about polishing armor and readying weapons.

The third kingdom only sent one knight and he had only one squire. While the squire polished armor and readied the weapons, the knight hung a single pot from the tallest branch of the tree and tied a rope with a loop at the end from another branch. Then the knight sat by the fire and drank while the squire kept working.

The fateful day came and all the squires came out to the battlefield. (The knights had stayed up too long drinking.) The battle was fierce. In the
end, only the lone squire from the third kingdom was left standing. Proving once again, the age old theorem:

Spoiler: show

The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

[MarioLover64]

Spoiler: show

There were once 3 kingdoms that bordered the same lake. In the middle of the lake there was an island, and the 3 kingdoms had been fighting over it for years. No one seemed to be able to keep the upper hand for very long and no one had been victorious. The wars over this little island were very costly, but all 3 kingdoms wanted it because of its great beauty and resources.

Finally, the monarchs agreed to a way to settle the matter permanently. Each would send their knights and squires to the island and they would
fight it out. Whoever’s knights and squires won the day would keep the island forever.

One kingdom sent many knights and each knight had a few squires. The night before the battle, the knights polished their armor while the squires readied the weapons. When the armor was finished, the knights sat around the fire drinking.

The second kingdom sent more knights than the first and each knight had several squires. The night before the battle, the knights drank around the fire while the squires scurried about polishing armor and readying weapons.

The third kingdom only sent one knight and he had only one squire. While the squire polished armor and readied the weapons, the knight hung a single pot from the tallest branch of the tree and tied a rope with a loop at the end from another branch. Then the knight sat by the fire and drank while the squire kept working.

The fateful day came and all the squires came out to the battlefield. (The knights had stayed up too long drinking.) The battle was fierce. In the
end, only the lone squire from the third kingdom was left standing. Proving once again, the age old theorem:

Spoiler: show

The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

So

Spoiler: show

pythagoean theorem

?

[Emral]

Spoiler: show

There were once 3 kingdoms that bordered the same lake. In the middle of the lake there was an island, and the 3 kingdoms had been fighting over it for years. No one seemed to be able to keep the upper hand for very long and no one had been victorious. The wars over this little island were very costly, but all 3 kingdoms wanted it because of its great beauty and resources.

Finally, the monarchs agreed to a way to settle the matter permanently. Each would send their knights and squires to the island and they would
fight it out. Whoever’s knights and squires won the day would keep the island forever.

One kingdom sent many knights and each knight had a few squires. The night before the battle, the knights polished their armor while the squires readied the weapons. When the armor was finished, the knights sat around the fire drinking.

The second kingdom sent more knights than the first and each knight had several squires. The night before the battle, the knights drank around the fire while the squires scurried about polishing armor and readying weapons.

The third kingdom only sent one knight and he had only one squire. While the squire polished armor and readied the weapons, the knight hung a single pot from the tallest branch of the tree and tied a rope with a loop at the end from another branch. Then the knight sat by the fire and drank while the squire kept working.

The fateful day came and all the squires came out to the battlefield. (The knights had stayed up too long drinking.) The battle was fierce. In the
end, only the lone squire from the third kingdom was left standing. Proving once again, the age old theorem:

Spoiler: show

The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

So

Spoiler: show

pythagoean theorem

?

Spoiler: show

Yes.

[aero]

Spoiler: show

I wish I were high on potenuse

[Cedur]

Someone dies

normal people: *grief* *mourn*

Among Us players: "where??"

[AlanLive2020]

I dunno...

I make bad puns. A lot.

I have around 20 of them.

Example:


What would happen if you'd stab fabric?

You'd KILT it.

see?

That's an old one.. Hehehe..

I should PUNish you for those puns.
(That was a joke)

[Cedur]

[SuperMarioGrava]

Ketchup.

[Cedur]

Ketchup.

not a joke in any way?

[FireyPaperMario]

Is it okay if I use jokes from old sitcoms? If so, here's 1 of my favorite jokes from the George Lopez show:

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You guys should call your band THE LOSERS, with a backwards "Z"

[krakin]

COVID-19 Guidlines for Chess Pieces-CDC

• Chess pieces must maintain a minimum distance of two squares apart

• Chess pieces must avoid large gatherings and thus postpone any match currently in progress

• Chess pieces must help protect high-risk groups like the king piece and queen piece, as these are two of the most important pieces in the game

• Chess pieces must avoid traveling, so moving anywhere on the board is not recommended

• It's highly encouraged that chess pieces stay where they are in order to slow the spread of COVID-19

[Cedur]

What does the earth say to the sun on its orbit?

Spoiler: show

You're fat!

[TheNightingale]

I was about to hold these posts and leave a 'Haha' but then I noticed this is not Facebook

[Prismarine]

Hey bro do you have a tin can?

Why would'nt you use a CoNTAINer instead?