Episode 1: Calm before the storm
The year was 2024, October 13th. The United States of America was undergoing a state of panic after the Kanye administration's decision to transition to a T-shirt based economy. Riots caused havoc in major American cities like New York City, also known as The Big City. When the violence and mayhem spread to Mario's backyard over in Brooklyn, he knew what he had to do. Although Mario's loyalties were to a monarch, Mario took it upon himself to become the democratically elected leader of the free world. Mario got Luigi, Yoshi, Toad, and his Uncle Tony all together to kick off his campaign in the world famous Brooklyn park. Mario approached the platform with his chest puffed and a look of determination in his eyes. He realized this speech would define his campaign going forward. Mario had to get this right! Luigi nodded at Mario with a look of assurance - it was time for Mario to begin.Mario began his speech "Thank you all very very much for being out here today. Let me just make a brief comment and take a few questions. We don’t have an endless amount of time. I have to get back.
Let me just say this. This country today in my view, has more serious crises than any time since the Great Depression of the 1930s.
For most Americans, their reality is that they are working longer hours for lower wages. In inflation-adjusted income, they are earning less money than they used to, years ago, in spite a huge increase in technology and productivity.
So, all over this country, I have been talking to people, and they say, 'How does it happen? I’m producing more, but I’m working longer hours for lower wages. My kid can’t afford to go to college, and I’m having a hard time affording health care. What happened, while at exactly the same time, 99 percent of the income being generated in this country is going to the top 1 percent?'
How does it happen that the top 1 percent owns almost as much wealth as the bottom 90 percent? And, my conclusion is that that type of economics is not only immoral, is wrong, it is unsustainable. It can’t continue.
We can’t continue having a nation in which we have the highest rate of childhood poverty of any major nation on Earth, at the same time as we’re seeing a proliferation of Goombas and Koopas.
So, that’s the major issue. The major issue is how do we create an economy that works for all of our people rather than a small number of Koopas, and the second issue, directly related, is the fact that as a result of the disastrous Supreme Court decision on Fakers United, we now have a political situation where Koopas are literally able to buy themselves elections and candidates. Let’s not kid ourselves. That is the reality right now.
So, you’ve got the Wario Brothers and other Koopa families who are prepared to spend hundreds and hundreds of millions of coins in elections to buy the candidates of their choice, often extreme right wing candidates.
I am the former chairman of the Senate Veterans Committee, and I can tell you that I don’t believe that the men and women who defend American democracy fought to create a situation where American Koopas own the political process. That’s a huge issue that we’ve got to deal with.
Right now, in terms of issues, we have a Faker Party that with few exceptions does not even recognize the reality of climate change, let alone that it is caused by human activity, let alone that the scientific community tells us that this is the major global environmental crisis that we face, and I want to see this nation lead the world in transforming our energy system away from fossil fuels, to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.
Real unemployment in America is not five and a half percent, if you include those people who have given up looking for work, and people who are working part time when they want to work full time. Real unemployment is 11 percent. We need to create millions of jobs, and the best way to do it is to rebuild our crumbling infrastructure, and I’ve introduced legislation to do just that: Create and maintain 13 million jobs.
In my city of Brooklyn, and throughout this country, young people, bright, young, able kids, cannot afford to go to college and are leaving school deeply in debt. In the BeanBean Kingdom, countries around the world, they understand that you tap the intellectual capabilities of young people, and you make college tuition in public colleges and universities free. That is my view as well.
So, there are enormous issues facing this country. Let me conclude by saying this, and I say this to the media: I have never run a negative ad in my life. I have been in many campaigns, and you ask the people of Vermont, they will tell you, 'Mario has never run a negative ad. I hate and detest these 30 second ugly negative ads.'
I believe that in a democracy, what elections are about are serious debates about serious issues, not political gossip, not making campaign soap operas. This is not the Red Sox versus the Yankees. This is the debate over major issues facing the American people.
Honest people, my conservative friends, differ with me. That’s fine. That’s called democracy. It’s a good thing, but I’ve got to hope, and I have to ask the media’s help on this thing: Allow us to discuss the important issues facing the American people. Let’s not get hung up on political soap opera, and all the other aspects of modern campaigns
Thank you"
It was a breath of fresh air into the American politic. Mario's campaign would be a political revolution of sorts. The crowd began to feel a burning sensation as they cheered and fawned over every last word that crossed Mario's lips. It was a good start, but Mario's party had an unfair election process that gave so-called Super Mushrooms a vote that could cancel out the votes of average Mushrooms, and before Mario even announced those Super Mushrooms had already been delegated to his opponent: Birdo.
One could say Birdo was a crooked type of person. She flaunts her femininity as a reason to be the leader of America, but really she does the bidding of whoever gives her the coins. Not to mention the Birdo Foundation's many instances of quid pro quo practices hidden by the mask of a supposedly charitable organization. Mario had to be vigilant in order to beat this corrupt and devious pink fiend. Mario would not sacrifice his integrity and make personal attacks, but would run an honorable campaign that would engage in riots to shut down other candidates' rallies instead. It was an uphill battle, but the battle needed to be fought. Mario and the gang promptly laid out a campaign strategy to bring in as many people as they can to join his revolution and help Mario take over America.
Luigi led a women outreach group for Mario by pointing out the sexist damsel in distress plots that the establishment uses with Peach, who can handle herself quite well despite being just a woman. Yoshi organized the inner city youth to turn out for Mario to solidify the Poison Mushroom vote. Toad and Tony joined together to create a task force to welcome people of the marginalized Rinka faith. They would build a coalition that would become the driving force of Mario's campaign, and there was little Birdo could grasp onto in order to compete.
The debates were soon about to begin, and Mario could not have prepared for what will happen next!
