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Re: An Story That takes Place In Your Head

Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 12:32 pm
by Quill
Is this a story, or a script? Script writing is a big no no. Also, listing someone as Person 1, 2 etc isn't really that interesting!

The plot also doesn't really make much sense and there's a lot of incorrect tenses in sentences.

For example:
Your world has forgotten what true beauty is, isn't it?
I believe you're looking for 'hasn't it?'

Your punctuation is good at least, so good job with that. Improve on these things and your writing will be much better.