Level Contest 8: DarkMatt Plays Your Levels and Insults You.

[DarkMatt]

VVV*READ THIS BEFORE YOU SET ONE FOOT INTO THIS THREAD.*VVV

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-This is half minute criticism written down with no care, sympathy, nor consideration for your feelings, skills, nor sensibilities. What you are getting is a first impression and no in-depth analysis of your strengths and weaknesses save for a couple seconds of thinking about it. You are not meant to take this seriously and any snarkiness or flat out insults are not meant to deter you from improving your skills at designing levels.

tl;dr TAKE EVERYTHING YOU'RE ABOUT TO READ WITH A GRAIN OF SALT YOU BIG BABY.

Oh and to clarify, this applies to every post in this thread. Go hog wild.

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^^^*IF YOU DON'T READ THIS AND YOU WHINE ABOUT THIS THREAD I WILL FIND YOU*^^^

Spoiler: show

[center]NOW LET'S GET IT ON.

WE DON'T GIVE A WHAT WHAT WE DON'T GIVE A WHAT WHAT[/center]

Hi. I either submitted a joke level or I actually placed good. What the hell are you doing DarkMatt?:
-I'm gonna review your levels. All of them. ALL OF THEM. NONE SHALL BE SPARED. YOU'RE ALL GONNA FIND OUT JUST HOW AWFUL YOU DID AND I WILL BE THERE TO SWING THE AXE ON YOUR LEVEL.


Fuck this I'm out. I have jimmies to protect.
-Did I mention I would be giving PRIZES TO THE PERSON WHO WINS THIS? The post is dead though, so . But basically, first place is getting a 10bux game off Steam, on me, no probs. That means I at least get to do this, so SUCK IT UP.

-There may also be prizes for 2nd, 3rd, and 4th place. We'll see how it goes.


That's cool. How're you doin' this?:
-You got 3 categories:

Gameplay
Aesthetics
Wildcard

-The first two are self-explanatory. Wildcard is whatever I think is the most relevant point (in a design aspect) of your level. This can either be something good or bad and, because I am a spiteful asshole, bad is gonna take precedence over good. Deal with it.

-Oh and due to trade agreements I'll add an extra category: Difficulty. A 0 is something I can do in my sleep, 3 is challenging, 5 is hard to the point of frustration, and anything above is broken difficulty. This has no bearing on your final score. This is just so people can thread the needle properly.

-Each category will get any whole number between a 5 and a 0.
A 5 is something that legit impresses me. This is very hard to do.
A 4 would be good and actually somewhat fun.
A 3 would be average. Enjoyable, but nothing more mundane than a 3.
A 2 would have glaring problems but would otherwise be okay as a level.
A 1 would be trash, but have something interesting, no matter how miniscular.
A 0 is worthless and I'll be telling the designer that he is bad at marios.

-The categories are averaged out and that is your score. So you can get 0.66 and treat it like a near 1 or get 4.33 and feel like it was almost perfection.

-I'll be going through your levels in the order of how they placed from worst to best in the contest. This involves playing through your level with small mario and keeping on until I either complete it or turn on donthurtme/ahippinandahoppin. I'm under no obligation to playtest your own levels. You were suppose to do that.

-The reason why you should read this is because I'm gonna give you a screenshot with every level.

wha howd u get da lvls alredy i want dem 2
-A: read above. B: I asked nicely for the purposes of this thread right here. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET TO HAVE THEM. SO DO NOT ASK.

Will it just be you?:
-Chances are yes, it'll just be me. If you're lucky though, I'll find some friends of mine to laugh at you as well.

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That is it. Go to the next post to get the first batch of levels.

[center]ENTERING TOXIC ZONE

[/center]

[DarkMatt]

#71:

Spoiler: show

One More Overless
Person to Blame: SMBXxer
Difficulty: If I clap my hands and do a dance I can find friends that will like me and what I like.

Gameplay: 0/5
Aesthetics: 0/5
Not a Flying Toy Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 0

DarkMatt sez: Congratulations, you banged on the editor and made funny things happen. Did you know that this was a level contest where you make levels instead of fucking with events to try to entertain people? Did you also know that a well made level can easily out-entertain you and be more worthwhile than whatever you can do in this editor?

tl;dr oh hi SMBXxer. You still suck.

#70:

Spoiler: show

A Spongy Story
Person to Blame: FanofSMBX
Difficulty: Coming soon to a nickelodeon near you.

Gameplay: 0/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Special Guest Star Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 0.66

DarkMatt sez: To be fair, this isn't a bad cutscene. Too bad this is a LEVEL contest. Sure as hell would've liked to see a LEVEL from you.

#69:

Spoiler: show

This level was approved by Mitt Romney
Person to Blame: Vinyl
Difficulty: 420/69

Gameplay: 0/5
Aesthetics: 1/5
soyeaimadealevelandidlikeyoutoplayit Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 0.33

DarkMatt sez: Ah, Knuxforum, being the fine proprietor of absolute garbage and worthless content since 2010. This level's no exception, and Vinyl's jokes are terrible.

#68:

Spoiler: show

Pelottava talo
Person to Blame: Sakke
Difficulty: 1/5

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 1/5
Understands Level Themes Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 0.66

DarkMatt sez: That's great kid, you managed to make a ghost house. Now if you did any sort of real level design it would not be just slightly better than the joke levels. Really, that's pathetic.

#67:

Spoiler: show

Cursed Valley
Person to Blame: Bullet Bill
Difficulty: 5/not playtested

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Key Fairy Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 1

DarkMatt sez: It's like I'm really playing A Super Mario Thing. If you think this is fun, then you must enjoy wasting time doing grating shit. Seriously, fuck's wrong with you?

#66:

Spoiler: show

Not-At-All Lost Woods
Person to Blame: Murphmario
Difficulty: 2/goodluckmakingthosejumps

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Failed Geometry Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.33

DarkMatt sez: Had you actually tested jumps and looked over your level for any graphical glitches this would not one of the last place losers. Shame really, because this was a pretty good mediocre level.

#65:

Spoiler: show

Casual Casino
Person to Blame: crusher169
Difficulty: 2/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
spel werds rite Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.66

DarkMatt sez: We don't need an escalator in a casino. Also, the graphics aren't half bad, but it's a bit of a jumbled mess.

#64:

Spoiler: show

Bowser's Newer Castle
Person to Blame: DimitrisPowerSeven
Difficulty: 4/5

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
wegotemall Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 1

DarkMatt sez: Could've stuck with one good idea for a challenge instead of a dozen terrible ones. Next time I want to live the joys of waiting for Thwomps and jumping across one-block platforms I'll play your level again.

#63:

Spoiler: show

Planet of State
Person to Blame: kchunming925364
Difficulty: 2/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Imagine Mario Swimming in Space Water, Forever Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.33

DarkMatt sez: This would be a good level, if it did not take creative liberties on WHERE THE FUCK I GO IN THIS PLACE. There's going in wacky directions and then there's just assuming the player knows where to go. Shame really, because this wasn't half bad.

#62:

Spoiler: show

Deadlands
Person to Blame: fireflowerhour
Difficulty: 2/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Bone Us: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.66

DarkMatt sez: That screenshot right there? That's what you're playing the whole level. Don't be fooled by the few changes in graphics and platforms. This level does a really bad job in trying to be special.

#61:

Spoiler: show

Just A Normal Old Grassylands Level
Person to Blame: SuperMarioBuider16
Difficulty: somewhere between an 88 and a .5948367.

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 1/5
WAY TO PLAYTEST NERD Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 0.66

DarkMatt sez: It's okay. The level was randumb and pretty uninteresting. You can just have the really fucking stupid boss that likes to destroy the one way to beat its first phase. That's A+ material, right?

#60:

Spoiler: show

Waffle Plains
Person to Blame: Dollarluigi
Difficulty: 1/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THIS TERRIBLE TECHNO REMIX: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.33

DarkMatt sez: So let's see, your level is the same old boring shit, there's lava just at the end because sure why not, and you don't do anything to wow the player except, well, lava at the end of the grassiest fucking level around. Also, if you made that track, you're also bad at music.

#59:

Spoiler: show

Futuristicalish Land
Person to Blame: HenryRichard1234
Difficulty: 4/5

Gameplay: 0/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Fuck Your Usage of Switch Goombas Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 0.66

DarkMatt sez: Shitty key puzzles, obnoxious switch goombas that you're expected to keep stomping otherwise fuck you, dumbass boss, pipe mazes, dumb survive enemies shit, it's like I've seen this sort of clusterfuck of level design before.

#58:

Spoiler: show

Cold Cubes
Person to Blame: moemoe02
Difficulty: 3/5

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 1/5
whosaidiwantedtoplayyourleveltwice Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 0.66

DarkMatt sez: Your enemy selection is a fucking mess and so is your level. Repeating it twice does not make it better. In fact, it explains why you're in first tier. Also way to playtest.

#57:

Spoiler: show

Bowser & Bowser Jr. Factory
Person to Blame: Pivot40Channel
Difficulty:

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Redundancy Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.66

DarkMatt sez: Using Thwomps to stall the player. I fucking love it. Also, way to put in 0 effort in decorating Bowser's room. And everything's really square or really bland. What's up with that and what's up with you?

[lPvPlFighter]

yay more insults *gets himself some popcorn*

[Quill]

I approve this topic.

Honestly, this is some hilarious stuff.

[Megar]

i want tier 2 of this more than tier 3 of the actual results

[RudeGuy]

You surely need a +1 for made this topic. Laughing all the time.

[Emral]

This thread is more fun to read than the original one.

[Sednaiur]

xD this is way cool, man ^^.

I am really excited to see a review of my level when it comes out. Please destroy everything of me xD.

[Bomber57]

This is one of the best things to happen since the time SMBXxer had his freakout a week or two back.

[SuperWingedYoshi]

Awww, yeah. Those Tier 1 level comments are something I really laughed at! Pretty excited to see what you're gonna say about the Tier 2 levels. (Of which mine is one...)

[SMBXxer]

This is one of the best things to happen since the time SMBXxer had his freakout a week or two back.

Stop.

Anyways, this is funny.
Yeah, I tried to make a bad level, so, that's what that piece of shit is.
Hahaha, 10/10.
Would up-rep if I could.

EDIT: Also, I think saying that I can't do anything good at all with the editor is a bit harsh.

[D. Flair]

So... Why the hell did they NOT choose you to be one of the level reviewers for the contest? Surely they had to have asked. Did you rebuff them?

Anyway if you don't hurry up and post Tier 2 reviews in the next 5 seconds i will fucking rape you

Edit: You leave me no choice...

[Darkonius Mavakar]

I approve this topic.

Honestly, this is some hilarious stuff.

i approve this approval.

also, Darkmatt you have steam :>?

[zlaker]

Why aren't you a judge for cc8 :(

[DarkMatt]

You already have Emral.

2nd tier coming in like, couple hours.

Also fuck you Emral.

[RoundPiplup]

I voted only Ermal on the poll because he said something about my level that made me get that rad feeling. Does the graphics REALLY have to matter? Everyone else seemed decent/good judges.

Soon, I will try to show you the Luigi Death Stare to you...

[RudeGuy]

Emral have 8 votes, lol.

[RoundPiplup]

Emral have 8 votes, lol.

Ermal's gaining the hate from several people.

Spoiler: show

This is for you Ermal.
http://youtu.be/03eNODCDdqY

[antoinefunbros]

Tier 2 and Tier 3 has been released, can't wait for your comments

[DarkMatt]

Message of the Day:
-Here's the crap that didn't get last place loser status. Out of the like, 15 or so I played, like, 2 of them actually get scores higher than 2. Also, this is when you start to seriously question what the hell the judges were on.

#56:

Spoiler: show

Koopa Troopa Beach Brawl
Person to Blame: JangoFred
Difficulty: 1/5

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 1/5 (GUESS WHO ALSO FORGOT MUSIC? IT'S LIKE PACKAGING THINGS AND TYPING THINGS IN ACCURATELY IS SO HARD.)
Where's The Koopas Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1

DarkMatt sez:There's a theme and some set pieces and not a whole lot else. This else is also really boring. Also, how hard is it for you clowns to PLACE YOUR STARS IN SUCH A WAY THAT THE PLAYER CANNOT KILL HIMSELF AFTER GETTING IT

#55:

Spoiler: show

Gray-Rock Pass
Person to Blame: 8bitmushroom
Difficulty: 0/zzzzz

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Backtracking Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 1

DarkMatt sez:Do you ever think about how players can get through your level? Because it looks like you just slapped shit down wherever and called it good. You're not doing guided tours of museum exhibits, you're making a fucking level.

#54:

Spoiler: show

Kampfschiff 1K
Person to Blame: MECHDRAGON777
Difficulty: You got a Map?/I lost mine.

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Cancerous Lump of Paths Bonus: 0/5

FINAL SCORE: 1

DarkMatt sez:Everything in this god damn level only serves to make it more longer and confusing, not like, say, give the player an idea of where to go, or, provide any hint towards progress, or even close off paths you've already been to because there's nothing there. And another thing, this level does everything it can to be that 1st place winner and you can see it uses tricks both neat and stupid. Fuck's sake this isn't Metroid. You can make a big level without having it be a fucking slog to go through.

#53:

Spoiler: show

Bowser Jr.'s High Tower
Person to Blame: Kingbowser112
Difficulty: 3/dyslexic

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Intruder Excluder Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.66

DarkMatt sez:Level's boring and Boss is dumb. Boss was almost going to be acceptable until it started cycling through every graphic named "Bowser Jr." for padding out the fight.

#52:

Spoiler: show

Ice Glacier
Person to Blame: GrätselBüchner
Difficulty: 2/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Color Challenged Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.66

DarkMatt sez:There's a couple of neat ideas that are treated like stepping stones to the theme. That is terrible, but not as bad as this horrible graphic selection. Seriously, this looks awful.

#51:

Spoiler: show

The Old Kingdom
Person to Blame: schm2000
Difficulty: 4/poison

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 3/5
Poison Mushroom Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 2

DarkMatt sez:Do you just loathe the idea of people testing the copious amounts of bricks and blocks you've put in this level and you want to punish them every step of the way? Do you passively hate the player that much? Custom boss was also dumb.

#50:

Spoiler: show

SMBX random sections can be confused
Person to Blame: LitDude
Difficulty: 0/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Downgrade Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.66

DarkMatt sez:I dunno what made you think you can get away with complete style changes whenever you please but you're bad at it and you should leave it to the people who know what they're doing.

#49:

Spoiler: show

Vile Volcano
Person to Blame: Aeon Wisp
Difficulty: 1/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 4/5
The Rock Bonus: 2/5

FINAL SCORE: 2.66

DarkMatt sez:These boulders makes this short level easy. This short level even has backtracking, so technically it's even shorter. I mean come the fuck on can't you put in a little more effort into this?

#48:

Spoiler: show

Sharp Objects Are Usually Deadly
Person to Blame: Imaynotbehere4long
Difficulty: IT'S/BOSHY/TIME!

Gameplay: 3/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Actually Works Bonus: 4/5

FINAL SCORE: 3

DarkMatt sez:I am impressed and disappointed. On one hand, this is one of the neater tricks around to avoid punishing the player; I highly approve. On the other, fucking kaizo level. Oh well, it balances out.

#47:

Spoiler: show

Volcanic Valley
Person to Blame: andregemeo23
Difficulty: 3/UR2SLOW

Gameplay: 3/5
Aesthetics: 3/5
Lava IS Slow, Actually Bonus: 2/5

FINAL SCORE: 2.66

DarkMatt sez:This level starts off neat, then undergoes a style change, (im iffy on sudden changes in atmosphere) then does a very slow section, and then gives the player no warning at the end that MAYBE HE SHOULD GOFAST. (compared to the rest of the level) There's plenty of things done right with this level and plenty of things that needed to have a second look, like how the warning signs don't actually help all that much.

#46:

Spoiler: show

Touch Fuzzy Get Done
Person to Blame: SuperWingedYoshi
Difficulty: 4/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Straight Ahead Bonus: 2/5

FINAL SCORE: 2

DarkMatt sez:Okay here's a gimmick, here's minimal graphics, and here's things to do. Sounds like a winner right? Until you play it and realize the level can't decide on what to use and it is actually very strict on not slowing down because you don't know what the shit is happening. It's like the designer never put himself in the player's shoes.

#45:

Spoiler: show

Ice Path
Person to Blame: Blueoak
Difficulty: 3/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 3/5
Spike Bonus: 2/5

FINAL SCORE: 2.33

DarkMatt sez:Fuck your usage of spikes, also fuck your mandatory fire flower section. What the fuck?

#44:

Spoiler: show

Pyramid of Doom
Person to Blame: Star
Difficulty:3/TCGA

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 3/5
Bombed Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 2.33

DarkMatt sez:This is another one of those "Used a million fucking different NPCs for 'challenge variety' and they all suck" levels and when your level starts out with waiting for bombs to explode, you know it's going to be dumb as shit.

#43:

Spoiler: show

FROZEN IS DA BEST MOVIE EVER!!!
Person to Blame: castlewars
Difficulty: 2?3?Ididnothavethepatiencetofinishthis/5

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 2/5
Length Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1.66

DarkMatt sez:Oh hey I was wondering where the "GOES ON FOR TOO FUCKING LONG" level was in this contest. I stopped trying when I had to go through a huge shit ass ass shit level to find 8 fucking red coins because fuck you. Only thing worse than scavenger hunts are bad puzzles.

#42:

Spoiler: show

Cloud Controll
Person to Blame: MidiGuyDP
Difficulty: 2/TRACTIONWHYYYYY

Gameplay: 2/5
Aesthetics: 3/5
Slips McGee Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 2

DarkMatt sez:Terrible gimmicks. If the really bad looking rotary platforms that will slide you off because you didn't land on it squarely wasn't enough, try some timed cloud platforms that are there to....be there. WHY ARE THEY THERE? HOW DO THEY CONTRIBUTE TO YOUR SHITTY LEVEL?

#41:

Spoiler: show

Concrete Forest
Person to Blame: mariogeek2
Difficulty: 2/What the fuck made you think wet concrete was a grand old idea?

Gameplay: 1/5
Aesthetics: 1/5
Themes Can't Buy Happiness Bonus: 1/5

FINAL SCORE: 1

DarkMatt sez:I hate your theme, I hate your quicksand, I hate your lakitus, I hate your boss, I hate your lack of aesthetics or even things other than ground and enemies, and I hate YOU.