Super Mario Bros. X Forums

The ''Jeff the killer syndrom''

Recently, waves of murders occurred in the state of New York, in Vermont and few other places in USA. I did not expect the phenomenon to touch the province of Quebec, Canada. Belong to authorities, after a bunch of arrests, these murders have all committed by teenage girls with usual kitchen knives, and belong to the information they gave while being interrogated, they seems to worship a fictional murderer called ''Jeff the killer'', from a well-known internet horror story, or ''creepypasta'' if you want. They said how they ''loved'' him and how they wanted to continue his ''work''. Some even talked about ''avenging'' him. You probably wonder why I’m saying all a this...

Hello, my name is (censored), but you can call me by my username ''arcade999''. In 2016 and 2017, I said on social networks, such as youtube or google+ why I did not like these creepypastas. I received many messages from angry fans who were acting pretty rudely and fiercy to me and my words, refusing to listen to my arguments no matter how logical they were. At some point, I even was threatened, but you know; butthurt fanboys/fangirls.

Anyway, so Sunday last week, it was a sunny day. I was glad because winter was definitively over and it will get hot again for summer. Nothing could ruin this day, I thought. Sounds like I was wrong... My parents were absent and I was going to watch some old Simpsons at the TV, but then, my bell ringed. I found that weird, and went to the door to check. It was a teenage girl, maybe 16 or 17. My first tough was that she was one of these scouts selling chocolate, but she said her car crashed on the road. I knew her excuse was false, because my house was in residential neighborhood next to a highly used highway and that they were no ''road'' except that one highway. If THAT was her ''road'', well, if would’ve been easy for her to get some help or something. Before I could even find what to reply, she in force, entered!

She climbed the stairs and sat on my couch. I did NOT invite her to enter. I wanted to drive her out, but it would’ve been hard for me to do so, like, I was pretty shy at the moment plus I’m not really good to talk to girls. I noticed she started to watch TV, then I asked ‘’what are you doing there’’. It was the only way I could say it without looking like a cunt. She replied something like ‘’just waiting. Now, bring me some Pop-Tarts’’. After a little moment of thinking, I saw she was looking at her smartphone. I waIked to her and noticed she was watching some fan arts or something. I then, just like this, asked something like ‘’what are you watching’’. She replied with ‘’oh, noting, just my little jefffffeeeeeeyyyyyy. Don’t you think he’s ADORABLE?!’’, by showing an awful sexualized Jeff the killer fan art. I went extremely uncomfortable and only replied with ‘’ok’’, then walked away. I wanted to call my father on his phone, but I did not know the number, so it sounded like I had to deal with the problem until my parents comes back.

I went to my room, called my friend and explained to him the situation. He also looked perplexed. We then talked about the topic and about other things as usual, hoping something would happen. After a while, I checked back to the living room. She was still there, texting or something. I was loosing my patience and said ‘’WHAT are you doing there’’. She said nothing. I knew I had to do something about it. I know I should have driven her out of the house, but I really did not know how to react. It was the first time this situation happened in my whole life. By thinking about it, I sweared I’ve seen that girl somewhere else, then it went to me: I know that girl: I’ve seen her at my old school. From what I remember, she was always on her phone with her friends. Anyway, I had to go to the bathroom and then, holy shit; they were some blood drops in the sink, and it was NOT there before. I relativized and told to myself that maybe her nose was bleeding or something. Anyway, After the bathroom, I went back in my room and talked to my friend again. Then I heard steps in the corridor. I was like ‘’what the…’’ but then, my door slammed and the girl entered with a fucking knife in my direction, with a diabolical grin on her face.

Ok, I knew about these stories, but I NEVER expected that it happen to ME and that this story was related whatsoever. It was just… too much to be real! I quickly jumped out of my bed in full panic mode. I screamed ‘’WHAT THE FUCK?!’’ and told to my friend at the phone ‘’JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, CALL 911!!, SHE’S THERE AND SHE’S GONNA FUCKING KILL ME!!. I’ve never been in a situation where I was about to die, mostly when someone was attempting to freakin murder me. I was sweating all the water of my body. The way I I was placed, I was stuck in a corner of the room. Hopefully, I it’s pretty bordelic init like ya know, a teen room. Behind me was my desk and my shelf. In panic, I took something to defend myself. Now I was seeing why they were blood in my sink: she cutted in her left arm the word ‘’JEFF4EVER’’ , probably with her knife. From everything I had, I used my radio for some reason. I knew a radio was completely stupid and that a radio was nothing compared to a knife, so, in a desperate attempt, I did a taekwondo jump kick against her. As how the technique work, you must keep your arms before you to guard. I, hopefuly, hit her in the face and she collapsed on the ground, altought she had the time to attack and wound one of my arm. Imagine: it couldv’e been in my torso if I would not have perform the techinique well. I dropped the radio on the bed and ran with the phone, which I kept the whole time.

I ran into the kitchen, said bye to my friend and call 911. Then I saw the maniac’s silhouette in the corridor, running to the kitchen. I panicked again and tried to escape. They were knives in the ustensils drawer, but I just couldn’t. Attacking someone with a knife is just… too much. I did not wanted to look like a murderer too. She jumped on me like a beast while screaming ‘’JEFF IS MY SENPAI’’, ‘’YOU WILL DIE FUCKING ASSHOLE’’, ‘’VENGEANCE!!!!’’ or other insane shit like this. She tried to stab me, but I gave kick, and made her fall a bit. I then grab her arm and said ‘’what the fuck you fuking… bitch! You’re fucking crazy!’’ She even attempted to bite me or something, and, with all my guts, I punched her in the face. She collapsed, then again, on the ground. Her nose was bleeding and she wasn’t moving, which meant I probably knocked her out. I then ran outside and waited for the police.

The police came five minutes later. Me and the killer were both arrested. In the interrogation room, I said everything, from when she force entered to how I knocked her out. The girl gave a completely ridiculous speech about how I was a cunt and that she haven’t done anything wrong. They were a lot of contradictions in her story and when the police made her notice that, she started to scream how she loved Jeff the killer and how she was going to take her vengeance, to end up saying it was ‘’unfair’’. My parents weren’t happy but at least, I survived.

Well maybe I survived this time, but more fangirls are planning my death. They are tons of them. It’s too late for me. This might be my last forum post. They’ll come for me. I know it. I already got a warning, and I will get more in the future. We cannot fight them like this. They’re too many for us, for me…

I lost about 70% of my brain cells reading this.




10/10

superfido2 wrote: ↑

Mon May 07, 2018 5:53 pm

I lost about 70% of my brain cells reading this.




10/10

I relate to everything except for the fact that I had already lost most of my brain cells before this. Now I only have 1% of my braincells left.

Still worth it.
9/9

Classic and original story. Probably the best creepypasta I have ever read. Best part of the story:

arcade999 wrote:‘’JEFF IS MY SENPAI’’, ‘’YOU WILL DIE FUCKING ASSHOLE’’, ‘’VENGEANCE!!!!’’

I like the part where you censored the main character's real name in the story!

MarioRPGExpert93 wrote: ↑

Tue May 08, 2018 10:31 am

I like the part where you censored the main character's real name in the story!

well, it was my actual name, so at the last minute, I changed it because I did not wanted to share too much private informations

Why, oh and most importantly, WHY?

Blessed post only intellectuals (such as myself) will understand.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The ''Jeff the killer syndrom''. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of internet knowledge most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also insane fangirl's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into her characterisation- her personal philosophy draws heavily from creepypasta literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike The ''Jeff the killer syndrom'' truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in insane fangirl's existential catchphrase "JEFF IS MY SENPAI’’, ‘’YOU WILL DIE FUCKING ASSHOLE’’, ‘’VENGEANCE!!!!" which itself is a cryptic reference to edgy fanbases in the internet. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Arcade999's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them.

Alright, I'm going to try to give a little bit of constructive criticism here.

Since I genuinely cannot tell if this is a satire on creepypastas or a genuine attempt at one, I'm going to assume the ladder was your intent. Now to give yourself some credit, horror is one of the more difficult genres to write, and I commend your attempt at doing a story like this. That being said, it needs a lot of work. Like, a lot.

For starters, you need to proofread your work. There are so many easy to catch errors in spelling and grammar that it actually becomes distracting and unpleasant to read. Simple things like "My first tough..." or "...‘’oh, noting...". Hell, even the title of the entire story is misspelt - "Jeff the killer syndrom". There were also a number of instances in which the writing comes off as awkward, for example, "Before I could even find what to reply, she in force, entered!". The phrasing in this entire sentence comes off as disjointed and the extra comma after force doesn't help.

I could go all day with these types of nitpicks, but basically, they all boil down to the fact that a simple proofread could bring to light these issues before people notice themselves.

Moving on, let's dive into the meat of the story:

- The " Belong to authorities..." sentence goes on for way too long.
- I feel that "You probably wonder why I’m saying all a this..." should have been placed after you introduce yourself. Why would the audience wonder why you're saying all of that?
- "I said on social networks, such as youtube or google+" is a little redundant. I think just saying "social networks" would have done the trick.
- "refusing to listen to my arguments no matter how logical they were" This doesn't make sense. You said you were assaulted and arrested by the police. Why wouldn't they accept that as a reason to believe you wouldn't like creepypastas?
- "Anyway, so Sunday last week, it was a sunny day. I was glad because winter was definitively over and it will get hot again for summer." - Right off the bat, the atmosphere you created here isn't exactly bone-chilling, to say the least. If you're going for horror, you might want to reconsider using a bright sunny day as your setting.
- "My parents were absent and I was going to watch some old Simpsons at the TV" - Absent makes it sound like your parents are late for a meeting taking place at your house. It comes off as a bit too formal for this narrator.
- You barely describe the attacker outside of being a teenage girl maybe being 16 to 17 years old who likes to use her phone a lot. It doesn't come off as a very memorable or dreadful description of this person, which I think in this case is needed for it to be effective. This doesn't have to be the way this person looks, but things like how they move or talk or do anything. Something to create a better mental image of this person.
- "It was the only way I could say it without looking like a cunt" - This comes off as way out of left field for this character.
- " I wanted to call my father on his phone, but I did not know the number, so it sounded like I had to deal with the problem until my parents comes back." - If the character had the time to call his friend and think about calling his dad, it's a little unrealistic that the character wouldn't just call 911 right then and there.
-"oh, noting, just my little jefffffeeeeeeyyyyyy. Don’t you think he’s ADORABLE?!’" - This is not how teenagers talk. Plus, isn't she still going with the car crash storyline? Arcade never said anything to her? Why is she waiting to kill you? She's just sitting there on the couch looking at porn?
-"I know that girl: I’ve seen her at my old school. From what I remember, she was always on her phone with her friends." - This isn't a strong motivation for her to kill Arcade, if that's what you're going for. From this section, it's only ever implied that you saw her at school with a different group of friends. Why would she bother killing a complete outsider if they didn't have any history with her? If anything, it's more believable and potentially more interesting if she targeted one of her old friends, or someone with a sentimental connection at least.
- "Hopefully, I it’s pretty bordelic init like ya know, a teen room" - I know I said I would hold off on nitpicks for these types of issues, but I have no clue what you're describing here.
-"As how the technique work, you must keep your arms before you to guard." - I don't see how this was important to explain?
-" They were knives in the ustensils drawer, but I just couldn’t. Attacking someone with a knife is just… too much. I did not wanted to look like a murderer too." Arcade is being murdered right now. In a situation like this, he's going to do whatever it takes to get out of danger, regardless of how it makes him look.
- "My parents weren’t happy but at least, I survived." - Arcades parents sound like total dicks.
- "Well maybe I survived this time, but more fangirls are planning my death. They are tons of them. It’s too late for me. This might be my last forum post. They’ll come for me. I know it. I already got a warning, and I will get more in the future. We cannot fight them like this. They’re too many for us, for me…" - How does Arcade know more will come for him? What was the warning? Was the girl the warning, and if so how does it imply more are coming?

These two aspects come together to make a story that definitely needs some extra work.

I did not like this story, and I feel like it should have gone through a couple of revisions first. If you do intend to expand upon this I would like to see the story take on the perspective of one of the friends of the killer to build up the killers motivation for going insane and killing people. I feel like this could have been an interesting aspect if covered, but the story goes into no such detail on what the "Jeff the Killer Syndrom" is.

Turnip wrote: ↑

Tue May 22, 2018 1:29 am

Thank you for criticizing.

There were also a number of instances in which the writing comes off as awkward, for example, "Before I could even find what to reply, she in force, entered!". The phrasing in this entire sentence comes off as disjointed and the extra comma after force doesn't help.

well, I'm far from being the ''best'' in english

"Anyway, so Sunday last week, it was a sunny day. I was glad because winter was definitively over and it will get hot again for summer." - Right off the bat, the atmosphere you created here isn't exactly bone-chilling, to say the least. If you're going for horror, you might want to reconsider using a bright sunny day as your setting.

I based that on real life. In fact, the events were supposed to happen few weeks ago, just when the spring was comming. Also, you wanted a ''scary'' atmosphere? What do you mean; a cliche stormy night or something? Eeeeeeeeeeeeh... It's waaaay too stereotypical. I find scarier when it's in a normal/boring context to beggin with. It gives the feel that it's just normal and realism, so the horror hits when you don't even expect it.

"I wanted to call my father on his phone, but I did not know the number, so it sounded like I had to deal with the problem until my parents comes back." - If the character had the time to call his friend and think about calling his dad, it's a little unrealistic that the character wouldn't just call 911 right then and there.

Keep in mind that I'M the main character, and I'm masing my actions in the story as how I think I'd be. I never called 911 before, so it's normal I would be shy to do so. In fact, last week, I had trouble with a street gang at the subway. I wasn't sure if I wanted to call the cops or not. I finally did, but after some time and talking to a security guard. Theses events takes time BEFORE that, athough it said that it was the first time it happened to me, so imagine myself then! I also said I was shy with girls in the actual story.

"I know that girl: I’ve seen her at my old school. From what I remember, she was always on her phone with her friends." - This isn't a strong motivation for her to kill Arcade, if that's what you're going for. From this section, it's only ever implied that you saw her at school with a different group of friends. Why would she bother killing a complete outsider if they didn't have any history with her? If anything, it's more believable and potentially more interesting if she targeted one of her old friends, or someone with a sentimental connection at least.

That... was not the motivation lol. The motivation (and the MAIN point of the story though) was that they were creepy Jeff the killer fangirls, and that they wanted to kill me because I said ''bad stuff'' about their idol''. They're psycho; Don't forget. It was a direct satire of actual fangirls creepier than the story itself. It's explained in helmetguy's comment right above.

"oh, noting, just my little jefffffeeeeeeyyyyyy. Don’t you think he’s ADORABLE?!’" - This is not how teenagers talk. Plus, isn't she still going with the car crash storyline? Arcade never said anything to her? Why is she waiting to kill you? She's just sitting there on the couch looking at porn?

These comments makes me think you kinda missed the point of the story.

"Hopefully, I it’s pretty bordelic init like ya know, a teen room" - I know I said I would hold off on nitpicks for these types of issues, but I have no clue what you're describing here.

I attempted to describe my room, which was totally messy because it was a teen room (my room really is like this), so I had a lot of choice to find an item to defend myself.

"As how the technique work, you must keep your arms before you to guard." - I don't see how this was important to explain?

Read the story: it's said right after.

altought she had the time to attack and wound one of my arm. Imagine: it couldv’e been in my torso if I would not have perform the techinique well.

" They were knives in the ustensils drawer, but I just couldn’t. Attacking someone with a knife is just… too much. I did not wanted to look like a murderer too." Arcade is being murdered right now. In a situation like this, he's going to do whatever it takes to get out of danger, regardless of how it makes him look.

As I said, it's based on me. I'm extremely sensible about hurting people, and attacking witha knife REALLY is too much for me. I know I was in a specific situation, but I know my own limits, even if, I know, it can looks stupid to you while reading.

"My parents weren’t happy but at least, I survived." - Arcades parents sound like total dicks.

They were supposed to be shocked because of the whole events, not after me, although I guess it could have been better explained

"refusing to listen to my arguments no matter how logical they were" This doesn't make sense. You said you were assaulted and arrested by the police. Why wouldn't they accept that as a reason to believe you wouldn't like creepypastas?

wait what; I have no idea of what you're talking about.

If you do intend to expand upon this I would like to see the story take on the perspective of one of the friends of the killer to build up the killers motivation for going insane and killing people. I feel like this could have been an interesting aspect if covered, but the story goes into no such detail on what the "Jeff the Killer Syndrom" is.

The ''jeff the killer syndrom '' means that they're so obsessed with jeff the killer that they attempts to do like him and everything, but pretty sure it has been explained and implied pretty much all along in the actual story.