Exposing Santa Claus

[Egg]Egg · Postby **[Egg]Egg** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:26 am

He's not coming to town with math.
We all know Santa himself. A guy weighing 1 tonne and eats a shit ton of cookies and milk. However, is his actions possible in real life?
Short answer: no
Due to different timezones, he has 36 hours to work with and that's not enough to visit every house in the world, then drop a couple of gifts and leave. There are currently 1.6 billion children on this planet, but most Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu and Jewish children do not expect a visit from Saint Nick/Santa, there goes 85% of the children. All the remaining children live in 75 million houses. He has to move at 5,083,000 mph, which is hard but not impossible. He has to cover 122 million miles, counting from one point of the world to the other. Each household has 2.5 children (don't ask how they sever them to prevent 3) on average. He has to travel through 5,556 houses per second to deliver all the gifts, and 1 million in a minute. This is impossible with our current understanding of physics.
Each child needs 80 cm of wrapping, this calculates to 1.5 million miles, longer than the distance of the Earth to the Moon, and this amount of presents sets him back 279.27 billion pounds (I'm not translating it to dollars). With our sayings, we see with that, he makes 640 million stops, and consumes 150 billion food calories. Most children live in apartments now.
He has 8/100,000th of a second to park his sleigh, get down the chimney, fill the stockings, eat the cookies and milk/orange juice left, leave, and get back on the sled. This scene repeats itself thousand of times a second. There are also 330 million children expecting a gift, and assuming each weigh about 2 pounds, this leads to 660 million pounds, and this doesn't require 12 reindeer, a bit more. Try 220,000 reindeer. The speed they make is 7,800 times the speed of light, and he will wake every child up on this planet, and by the time he reaches the 5th house, the poor deer will die from the sheer pressure.
I won't be doing apartment shit here because that's complex and I don't do complex stuff.

PixelPest · Postby **PixelPest** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:43 am

What a muggle

Zha Hong Lang · Postby **Zha Hong Lang** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:46 am

Have you ever considered the notion that santa claus could magically be in many places at once? I didn't think so.

Cedur · Postby **Cedur** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:53 am

... or that he has a giant cloning machine for himself?

Westretroman · Postby **Westretroman** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 9:09 am

I think you forgot a word, it's called "magic".

Turnip · Postby **Turnip** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 3:16 pm

Well great. Egg just cancelled Christmas.

Artemis008 · Postby **Artemis008** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 3:43 pm

FireyPaperMario · Postby **FireyPaperMario** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:11 pm

Turnip wrote:Well great. Egg just cancelled Christmas.

Yup!

Postby **glitch4** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 5:48 pm

Jesus Christ, our well blessed person, invented a new thing called Christmas, which he called the most special one for his birth. To make it more reliable, he created Santa Claus, a character that is suitable for Christmas event, also sledges, deer and most lovely - presents. Jesus tells Santa to send presents to all nice people. Jesus also added some magic, like making deer fly and putting presents in the bag as many as needed for all. Not enough, he added some magic to all of the creatures so they don't get tired or lose control of flying. The sledge with magical speed can reach as much as faster in one day, meaning every person can get his presents. As of this day, Santa Claus is still alive and with magic he can still send the presents. Overall, Santa Claus in real life is real.

[Egg]Egg · Postby **[Egg]Egg** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 5:49 pm

Turnip wrote:Well great. Egg just cancelled Christmas.

Christmas canceled until my death

Thehelmetguy1 · Postby **Thehelmetguy1** » Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:08 pm

Heh, the smartest egg in the world is back in action

krakin · Postby **krakin** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 3:31 am

don't you know magic isn't real?

aero · Postby **aero** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:59 am

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=127509&page=1
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/ ... s-Eve.html

Thehelmetguy1 · Postby **Thehelmetguy1** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:04 am

[Egg]Egg never fails when it comes to logic

Postby **glitch4** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:47 am

Turnip wrote:Well great. Egg just cancelled Christmas.

Christmas will never be canceled. Inside [Egg]Egg's body is the satan itself, which is very likely that what he wrote in OP is not true.

Zha Hong Lang · Postby **Zha Hong Lang** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 9:21 am

I've met Santa Claus as he was giving me presents. What do you have to say about that?

Radiance · Postby **Radiance** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:11 pm

Santa Claus distorts time so he can deliver all the presents.

Rixitic · Postby **Rixitic** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:31 pm

The Santa you know does not exist.

Sanh'ta Kla-usz is a fourth-dimensional being that exists outside of linear time. The jolly fat man in the red suit is merely the closest approximation we can comprehend to His actual appearance -- should any mortal bear witness to His full true form they would surely go mad from the revelation.

The gifts He brings to the children are not produced by sweatshop labor, but rather manifested through the sheer force of His will in exchange for the ritual sacrifice of dairy and baked goods. The beings we refer to as "elves" are merely Sanh'ta's acolytes, the loyal gnomish arbiters of His presence.

Tell me, why do you think the US Postal service tracks that sleigh every year?

Why, pray tell, do we erect opulent tree displays during the winter season? Why do we light up our houses at night and pin our socks above the fireplace?

He is coming.

And He knows whether you've been naughty or nice.

Thehelmetguy1 · Postby **Thehelmetguy1** » Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:35 pm

hey hey, I think I have the explanation to santa claus.

Basically, in the future people make the time machine and he travels in time to deliver gifts