Funny Jokes

TLtimelord · Postby **TLtimelord** » Thu May 12, 2016 4:14 pm

AeroMatter wrote:What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can't tuna fish.

Did you guys hear about the fire in that one circus? I heard it was intense.

zlaker · Postby **zlaker** » Thu May 12, 2016 4:27 pm

why can't orphans play baseballs

they don't know where home is

i've a dark humor i know

Postby **aero** » Thu May 12, 2016 4:37 pm

zlakergirl357 wrote:why can't orphans play baseballs

they don't know where home is

i've a dark humor i know

The black orphans play pretty good because they're always stealing bases. *ba dum tss*

Postby **HenryRichard** » Thu May 12, 2016 5:32 pm

Why is racism funny?

MistakesWereMade · Postby **MistakesWereMade** » Thu May 12, 2016 5:33 pm

HenryRichard wrote:Why is racism funny?

i'm waiting for the punch line dude dont leave me hangin

CynicHost · Postby **CynicHost** » Thu May 12, 2016 6:02 pm

Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "you're next".

So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Postby **aero** » Thu May 12, 2016 6:28 pm

My psychologist called.

He said I have an apartment complex.

Postby **Shadow Yoshi** » Thu May 12, 2016 6:29 pm

Nien wrote:
HenryRichard wrote:Why is racism funny?
i'm waiting for the punch line dude dont leave me hangin

Alright, that's too far.

TLtimelord · Postby **TLtimelord** » Thu May 12, 2016 6:52 pm

What do you call it when a bison takes money from the bank?

A buffaloan.

ProngoKingdom · Postby **ProngoKingdom** » Thu May 12, 2016 7:15 pm

TNTtimelord wrote:What do you call it when a bison takes money from the bank?

A buffaloan.

What did the father buffalo say to his son when he went on a trip?

Bison.

someone make a third buffalo joke

Postby **HenryRichard** » Thu May 12, 2016 7:16 pm

ok.

What do you call an endless feast of bison?

A buffetlo.

TLtimelord · Postby **TLtimelord** » Thu May 12, 2016 7:49 pm

Two condoms walk by a gay bar.

One says to the other, "Hey, you wanna get shitfaced?"

Postby **aero** » Thu May 12, 2016 8:04 pm

Why was the brain trauma patient bad at baseball?

He always stroke out.

Kitti and Minni · Postby **Kitti and Minni** » Thu May 12, 2016 8:43 pm

So... Did ya hear about the asphalt that came into a bar the other day? His friend ordered a beer for the road.

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The first person to find out said into the radio: "We got a small medium at large."

What is green with legs? Grass I lied about the legs.

Sans: "why ain't napstablook dancing?" Mettaton: "He has no BODY to dance with..." Sans: "

"

Metroidologist X7 · Postby **Metroidologist X7** » Fri May 13, 2016 10:18 am

Somenight, a drunk man was walking over a street when he found a dead body. He ran to the closest phone cabin and dialed 911.

-Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
-Man: I've found a body in the street!
-Operator: Ok. What's the name of the street?
-Man: Emmm… Let me see.

So the man hanged the phone and went to see the name of the street. Then, he returned to the cabin and dialed 911 again.

-Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
-Man: I'm the man who found the body.
-Operator: Oh, so what is the name of the street?
-Man: Emmm… I forgot it, the name is too hard to remember. Hold on.

So he hanged the phone again, went to see the name of the street and returned to the cabin, this time repeating the name of the street.

-Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
-Man: I'm the guy who found the body.
-Operator: So, what's the name of the street?
-Man: Emmm… I forgot it again!

And so, this happened another 10 times, every time the man forgot the name, so the 13th time:

-Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
-Man: I'm the guy who found the body.
-Operator: God damn it, can you please tell me the fucking name of the street!?
-Man: Liberty.
-Operator: What? That name wasn't hard to remember!
-Man: No, but the other one WAS VERY HARD TO REMEMBER so I had to move the dead man!

Postby **Julia Pseudo** » Fri May 13, 2016 9:54 pm

A traveling salesman was driving down a rural road in Nebraska when he came by a small ranch. Looking at its animals, he noticed that one of the pigs had a peg leg. Curious, he pulled up on the side of the road and knocked at the door of the nearby farmhouse. An elderly farmer soon answered the door.

"What can I do for you today?" the farmer asked.
"Well, I was just driving by your ranch when I noticed that one of your pigs had a peg leg, and it was one of the most curious things I've ever seen," the salesman said, laughing.
"That there, that there is the greatest pig I've ever raised. A few years back, I was tilling soil out in the back 40 when my tractor hit a gulley and tipped over. I couldn't even move my arms and I was sure I was a goner! Suddenly, I saw that pig come running for me, and dug a hole for me to escape and saved my life," the farmer explained.

"That's amazing! But I still don't understand why the pig has a peg leg. Was it injured while it was saving you?"
"Hold on now, son, I'm not done. One night I woke up at 3 in the morning and found the ol' house on fire. There was so much smoke in that bedroom, I couldn't even see the missus' face five inches away from mine! But then that pig appeared in the doorway and led me and the missus to safety."
"That's also incredible, but it still doesn't explain why he has a peg leg," the salesman said. The farmer started chuckling as he shook his head.

"Well, come on now, son. You've got to understand! With a pig that great, you can't just eat it all at once!"