Super Mario Bros. X Forums

Enjl wrote:Wait don't you write your story into a word document and then just copypaste the text into your browser when you finish a chapter?

Didn't think of that... K! The Series is continued! ^.^')

When I do late night drabbles, I use my iPhone's 'Notes' App to write my stories down.

Here's the first part of the 1st chapter, enjoy!

Chapter 1 (Part 1)

In the country of the SMBX Forums, a vast country of tall mountains, beautiful forests, and happy cities named after all the honorable admins & mods in charge of the forums and some of the level judges. The citizens of the many cities are celebrating the bi-annual sandbox level contest celebration. A celebration/contest hosted by 2 of the several honorable admins & mods, Valtteri & Joey, which the contest is always hosted in the northern city of Joey Town. But at Zelda Village (A village named after honorable admin, ZeldaMaster12), was a very sad event! Inside the huge sanctuary, laid a body under a deep sleep, on the bed at the back center of the sanctuary. It’s hard to know whoever the person was that’s sleeping, it’s because the sleeping body is under the blanket. The sleeping SMBX member even has a visitor, also crying real tears on the bed. The visitor kneels down towards the body, as she hopes the SMBX member wakes up from the deep sleep.

“Please wake up Otaku!” said the weeping girl as she continues crying heavily, burying her face on the sleeper’s chest. The giant sanctuary door opens, and a voice called out, “Hey Muyoko, the sandbox level contest has just started, why you are here in the sanctuary?” Muyoko turns around to see the owner of the voice. It was honorable admin, Squishy Rex. The girl, still crying, looks away from the honorable admin, and looks back on the sleeping body. “I know I just want to spent a little more time with Otaku before I leave for the contest” said Muyoko, still sad. Squishy sighs, and said to the heartbroken girl, “I know it’s been 3 months since the sorceress, Marina, put Otaku into an deep sleep with her last breath, but I’m sure NintendoOtaku93 would want you to stop worrying about whenever the deep sleep spell will wear out, or never.” Muyoko stops crying for a bit, and sighs. Squishy Rex smiles at the girl, and turns back to the opened sanctuary door. Rex added as he’s leaving the room, “Relax, I’m sure Otaku can wake up eventually, and once he does, I’m sure the whole forums would celebrate his awakening.” Muyoko smiles, and follows the honorable admin out of the sanctuary, going to the bi-annual level contest in Joey Town.

Back at Joey Town, during the bi-annual sandbox level contest, the contestants stood in front of contest level judges, ShadowStarX, Ness-Wednesday, MilesTroopa, & Bossedit8, as the judges rates the contestants’ levels. As the judges are about to give the final scores on the level entries, Sanct smirks, and thought to himself, ‘This contest is good as mine!’. But before the scores were in, the whole town heard a loud shrieking scream for help from a mile away. “HELP!!!!! ANYONE!!!!!!” gasped the screaming voice as the whole town stopped the contest and look around for the owner of the voice. After a few minutes of looking, the person/creature who said that eventually shows up. The owner of the voice crying for help was a fast running Koopa Troopa, running at an abnormal speed for a normal Koopa Troopa. Bossedit8 walks to the quick Koopa, and ask the scared turtle, and ask, “What’s going on here Koopa???” The Koopa shakes on fear, and gasped out loudly, “The attackers, they killed off everyone in my homeland! And I need to find help!” Everyone became confused, Valtteri walks up to the frighten Koopa, and took a deep breath, and says, “Who’s attacking your homeland? Plus, what’s your name, and why are you in our country?” The Koopa stops, and replies to the honorable admin, “My name is Koopa the Quick, of the island, Tiny Huge Island.”

While Valtteri is trying to get information on what attacked the Koopa’s homeland, one of the contests got super impatience waiting for the sandbox level contest to go on! “Come the hell on Val, can’t you see that there’s a damn contest going on, and you rather pause it to help some loser and his make-believe crap!” complaint the impatience SMBX member in rudeness. Joey walks up to the contest, and at a really pissed off tone, yells, “RudeGuy, this is a cry for help, not an annoying visitor. I have enough of your rudeness!” Then for a direct minute, every contestant, level judge, and admin tries to think what to do with the frighten Koopa’s words. “This koopa speaks the truth!” said a voice that feels like it’s coming from nowhere. Everyone turns to look at the owner of this voice. The owner of the voice was Horikawa Otane, in which everyone was surprised to notice that she knew what’s going on.

Valtteri, walks up to Horikawa and with a surprise look on his face, ask, “Wait, you know what’s going on with this koopa…” but Horikawa interrupt the honorable admin by saying, “I saw what happened in the news.” Bossedit8 calmly nod his head, as the woman explains what’s happening outside the SMBX forums. “The news said that there’s a civil war raging on, and I think our forums will be under attacked by either Wart’s army, or Tatanga’s army” Everyone (even Koopa the Quick) were shocked to hear about the great war. Horikawa turns to the koopa, and told the creature, “Relax, I’ll take you to my place, you can explain more on this war”, and she added a smile. The koopa agrees, and follows the woman to her place, leaving the scene.
To be continued!
Part 2 coming whenever I feel like it!

*Sees me burying my chest into Otaku*

Uh-huh... I don't know how my boyfriend would feel about this, but unless I'm the Hinoka (sister) to Otaku's Corrin (brother), I'm a little disgruntled. (Sorry for the Fire Emblem Fates analogy, but I've been interested in this lately.) If this were really me attempting to wake someone up, I'd probably tickle them or try to sneak a marker under their hands before sobbing over their wakeless body. Also, it's very hard for me to cry. Last time I cried though, it was over someone killing my own characters, so I guess this is kind of in character. (Thank God it was Squishy Rex snapping me out of it though because holy crap that would have been silly if I stayed like that for the rest of the series.)

I guess I should be grateful I'm in something SMBX oriented? Also, this really feels like an SMBX fic. It's not like another fic I know on this site...

Real legit critique time though:

Always... ALWAYS start a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks. It's less confusing to those that read it and it'll make people cringe less. Trust me, I got confused to who was speaking. I made this mistake when I was twelve but I believe this needs to be addressed every time. Don't know any good examples at the top of my head, but I recommend checking out my fan fiction, Lady Malidetta, to see what I mean.

Another good example would be here.

"Lady Miyako, have you seen Lady Sakura?" a teal haired man in a black apron and glasses asked his female companion, a green haired girl with dark skin and pink eyes as he was washing the dishes.

"Yes," replied the green haired girl as she was swinging her sword against an invisible enemy, "She was under the cherry blossoms singing again."

"You should keep an eye on her. She's your youngest sister." the man said frowning.

"Yukimura, honey. Her retainers are outside with her. If someone tries to lay a finger on her, they'll be the ones to alert us first." the girl sighed as she dropped her sword and wiped the sweat off her forehead.

Not only is the conversation much smoother, but you can figure out who is talking very quickly. I recommend you try this out.

If you're gonna put me in your fanfiction, the least you could do is not make me so out of character. I don't know how you can mess up someone's personalitz so badly in one sentence.

Oh also, I'm gonna be ripping this thing to shreds when I have access to a computer, because oh boy it's bad.

Fyi Nessy and miles are not level judges lol
Nice story btw

did you write this story just so you could insert yourself into it?

Nien wrote:did you write this story just so you could insert yourself into it?

That's why I wrote mine.

In all honesty self-insert stories are pretty difficult to write without making yourself out to be a Gary Stu. It's not bad to write them, but I find the best self-insert fan fictions are ones where you can make self-insertion actually happen in the game (like Fire Emblem Awakening/Fates for example).

why is quill still alive in this story?

#killquill

AeroMatter wrote:why is quill still alive in this story?

#killquill

I didn't see Quill anywhere in this chapter.
I think the main question is... Why is Marina the sorceress that put NintendoOtaku93 to sleep? What's with that?

#killquillvol2

Here's the final part of Chapter 1! And yes, we get get invaded. By Tatanga! Enjoy. ^.^')

Chapter 1b

After some minutes into continuing the contest, the whole town of Joey Town heard a massive explosion! “?!?” gasped everyone in the town as they looks back & forth to find the location of the massive explosion. “WHERE DID THAT COME FROM????” cried out HVMetal as he & the others kept looking around. Then, Firaga noticed the explosion location. “Oh my god,” he yells out loud, “I think it’s coming from Enjl City!” Everyone then scream like hell. “This it,” yelled out honorable admin Pesuo-Dino on the speakers around the contest, in fear of the sandbox level contest being destroyed, “I’m cancelling the level contest, only because our contact with Enjl City is lost!”

Honorable admin Joey sighs and to him self, said, “It’s probably for the best!” But 15 minutes of being feared and/or complaining about the level contest being cancelled for stupid reasons later, the attacker of Enjl Town enters the scene, in the giant silver UFO that attacked the Mushroom Kingdom some moments ago. Everyone in Joey Town gasps as they noticed the thousands of space ships backing up with the silver UFO! “So, this is the land of SMBX Forums huh?” ask the rider of the Silver UFO to the scared SMBX members, “Well, IT’S MINE LAND NOW!!!!” added the evil rider. Everyone in the scene gasps in fear.

Spinda, looking bold, says in a badass voice tone, “Who are you fiend, and why are you attacking our beloved SMBX forums?” The evil rider of the silver UFO’s voice grew angrily, “My name it Tatanga! And why are we attacking your forums is none of your business!!” yelled the voice out loud. Everyone in the scene, expect Spinda, gasped out loud, knowing that the evil alien army is going to destroy the forums, for good, with no explanation why! With bravery, MilesTroopa stood up, and said to the attackers, “I know why you monsters are attacking; I watch the news, like Horikawa, Y’all is in a civil war with someone else’s army. I should know, I had a friend in the Mushroom Kingdom that you killed while I was contacting him!” Tatanga grew angrier. “That’s it! I’m going to invade your precious forums whatever you punks want me to or not!!!!”

After hearing that, Tatanga’s army begins to attack Joey Town! Everyone panics, and tries to escape the attack site. And so begins the fight for our forums.

End of Chapter 1

Muyoko wrote:

AeroMatter wrote:why is quill still alive in this story?

#killquill

I didn't see Quill anywhere in this chapter.
I think the main question is... Why is Marina the sorceress that put NintendoOtaku93 to sleep? What's with that?

#killquillvol2

It's only to prevent this story from being a crappy self-insert story.... And give me some time to put Quill in the story...

"I watch the news like Horikawa"

Stalker alert detected!!!

UGH. This is actually too soon to introduce one of the villains in my opinion. Nobody is established very well here. I feel uncomfortable. What's worse is that you didn't listen to my advice about starting a new paragraph whenever someone speaks. It just... AGH. Also does the real MilesTroopa have a Southern accent? This feels wrong.

Muyoko wrote:UGH. This is actually too soon to introduce one of the villains in my opinion. Nobody is established very well here. I feel uncomfortable. What's worse is that you didn't listen to my advice about starting a new paragraph whenever someone speaks. It just... AGH. Also does the real MilesTroopa have a Southern accent? This feels wrong.

Thanks for the advice! I'll focus more the story when I get the chance

les go

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:In the country of the SMBX Forums, a vast country of tall mountains, beautiful forests, and happy cities named after all the honorable admins & mods in charge of the forums and some of the level judges.

BOY is this a mouthful of a sentence

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:The citizens of the many cities are celebrating the bi-annual sandbox level contest celebration.

jeez dude again with the mouthful of a sentence, also a contest being only twice a year is just dumb, the forums would have erupted with anarachy by now

NintendoOtaku93 wrote: A celebration/contest hosted by 2 of the several honorable admins & mods, Valtteri & Joey, which the contest is always hosted in the northern city of Joey Town.

are you serious lmao

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:But at Zelda Village (A village named after honorable admin, ZeldaMaster12), was a very sad event!

boy holy shit i never would have figured out it was named after zeldamaster here i was thinking it was named after that elf guy in that video game... cloud right?

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Inside the huge sanctuary, laid a body under a deep sleep, on the bed at the back center of the sanctuary.

fucking zelda 2 jeez

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:It’s hard to know whoever the person was that’s sleeping, it’s because the sleeping body is under the blanket. The sleeping SMBX member even has a visitor, also crying real tears on the bed. The visitor kneels down towards the body, as she hopes the SMBX member wakes up from the deep sleep.

idk man i don't know much but i am speculating they are sleeping because dreams are better than the nightmare that is the smbx community

nah the community's alright

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:“Please wake up Otaku!”

oh for fuck sake

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:said the weeping girl as she continues crying heavily, burying her face on the sleeper’s chest. The giant sanctuary door opens, and a voice called out, “Hey Muyoko, the sandbox level contest has just started, why you are here in the sanctuary?”

ok so is this an oc or something i mean it's probably some touhou user who i haven't met yet due to rarely visiting the forums now or something Edit: hi muyoko nice to meet you i didn't see you up there

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Muyoko turns around to see the owner of the voice. It was honorable admin, Squishy Rex.

wait squishy rex is an admin?

wait he's not

or is he actually psuedo-dino?

all you smbx members change your names all the god damn time and i totally don't do the same

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:The girl, still crying, looks away from the honorable admin, and looks back on the sleeping body. “I know I just want to spent a little more time with Otaku before I leave for the contest” said Muyoko, still sad.

okay so why are the admins always described as 'honorable', like i'm not trying to deny that they are but man, find some synonyms or something pls

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Squishy sighs, and said to the heartbroken girl, “I know it’s been 3 months since the sorceress, Marina, put Otaku into an deep sleep with her last breath,

jeez, i never knew marina's breath was so enticing that it would have that effect

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:but I’m sure NintendoOtaku93

oh god DAMMIT lol

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:would want you to stop worrying about whenever the deep sleep spell will wear out, or never.” Muyoko stops crying for a bit, and sighs. Squishy Rex smiles at the girl, and turns back to the opened sanctuary door. Rex added as he’s leaving the room, “Relax, I’m sure Otaku can wake up eventually, and once he does, I’m sure the whole forums would celebrate his awakening.” Muyoko smiles, and follows the honorable admin out of the sanctuary, going to the bi-annual level contest in Joey Town.

yeah the awakening of NintendoOtaku93 will be like the second coming of christ it will be glorious and all the smbx forum members will be enlightened

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Back at Joey Town, during the bi-annual sandbox level contest, the contestants stood in front of contest level judges,

oh god who are they going to be

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:ShadowStarX,

ok

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Ness-Wednesday,

oh god DEAR NO this contest is a fucking failure

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:MilesTroopa,

i forgot who this is!!!!!!!!!! sorry

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:& Bossedit8,

heck yeah

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:as the judges rates the contestants’ levels. As the judges are about to give the final scores on the level entries, Sanct smirks, and thought to himself, ‘This contest is good as mine!’. But before the scores were in, the whole town heard a loud shrieking scream for help from a mile away. “HELP!!!!! ANYONE!!!!!!” gasped the screaming voice as the whole town stopped the contest and look around for the owner of the voice. After a few minutes of looking, the person/creature who said that eventually shows up. The owner of the voice crying for help was a fast running Koopa Troopa, running at an abnormal speed for a normal Koopa Troopa.

oh no plot

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Bossedit8 walks to the quick Koopa, and ask the scared turtle, and ask, “What’s going on here Koopa???” The Koopa shakes on fear, and gasped out loudly, “The attackers, they killed off everyone in my homeland! And I need to find help!”

oh yeah, this story is kinda edgy and has death and stuff

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Everyone became confused,

and took damage in the confusion, the fucking end

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Valtteri walks up to the frighten Koopa, and took a deep breath, and says, “Who’s attacking your homeland? Plus, what’s your name, and why are you in our country?” The Koopa stops, and replies to the honorable admin, “My name is Koopa the Quick, of the island, Tiny Huge Island.”

i see this guy so much in stories like why is he so popular

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:While Valtteri is trying to get information on what attacked the Koopa’s homeland, one of the contests got super impatience waiting for the sandbox level contest to go on!

holy crap ANOTHER contest ENTIRELY got impatience, i bet it was one of the contests made by the thwomp king, that bastard

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:“Come the hell on Val, can’t you see that there’s a damn contest going on, and you rather pause it to help some loser and his make-believe crap!” complaint the impatience SMBX member in rudeness.

surprisingly accurate, all smbx members are super impatient jerks

cc12 will be done eventually guys pls

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Joey walks up to the contest, and at a really pissed off tone, yells, “RudeGuy, this is a cry for help, not an annoying visitor. I have enough of your rudeness!” Then for a direct minute, every contestant, level judge, and admin tries to think what to do with the frighten Koopa’s words. “This koopa speaks the truth!” said a voice that feels like it’s coming from nowhere. Everyone turns to look at the owner of this voice. The owner of the voice was Horikawa Otane, in which everyone was surprised to notice that she knew what’s going on.

i hope horikawa is about to announce playable waluigi in smbx 2.0 or i will be very disappointed

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Valtteri, walks up to Horikawa and with a surprise look on his face, ask, “Wait, you know what’s going on with this koopa…” but Horikawa interrupt the honorable admin by saying, “I saw what happened in the news.” Bossedit8 calmly nod his head, as the woman explains what’s happening outside the SMBX forums. “The news said that there’s a civil war raging on, and I think our forums will be under attacked by either Wart’s army, or Tatanga’s army”

oh right this was in the super duper edgy prologue

NintendoOtaku93 wrote:Everyone (even Koopa the Quick) were shocked to hear about the great war. Horikawa turns to the koopa, and told the creature, “Relax, I’ll take you to my place, you can explain more on this war”, and she added a smile. The koopa agrees, and follows the woman to her place, leaving the scene.

i bet horikawa has a cool crib

Ending Comments: holy shit I GET IT THE KOOPA TROOPA ESCAPED BECAUSE HE'S KOOPA THE QUICK SO HE WAS FAST AND GOT AWAY AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Quill! Oh thank God. Yeah, it was hella weird to see someone think NintendoOtaku93 made an OC with my name, but yeah, it was weird to see actual people in this fic without their consent.

AS much as it stresses me out, I'm thinking of cancelling the fan fiction tbh!
Because I'm still having writer's block for chapter 2! I'll continue the story whenever...

AeroMatter wrote:why is quill still alive in this story?

#killquill

Quill isn't killed in this story because I had to cancelled the story due to writer's block

Have you ever had an outline for your story? It might help you out.

omg quills review gives me pstd XDXDXDXDdddd
Nice story btw, even Nessy's version is better tbh.